I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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