Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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