Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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