it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
