I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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