goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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