grandma shit on top of the toilet
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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