did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
