umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
