She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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