It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
