I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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