marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
