i just wanna soil my oats bro
I want to have your abortion
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
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I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
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Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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