i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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