You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
do herpes really smell.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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