i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Randomize
