I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
