Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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