Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So apparently I’m into choking now
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
