Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
