operation harelip BJ is a go
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
