Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
