I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
