I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
