buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
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A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
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It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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