I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
