OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
