we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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