She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
