is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
pray to the hookup gods
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
