Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
