Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
