im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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