i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
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