WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Randomize
