her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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