I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
