She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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