Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I cut my penus on the lid.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
