I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
