i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
