This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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