You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
