grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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