K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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