didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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