I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
