just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
