i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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