video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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