apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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