I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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