woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
