i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
