the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
