my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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