Say something about gay babies.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
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And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad