Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
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I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories