So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.