u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
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the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
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So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat