very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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