We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
