u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
