Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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