forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
