How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.