do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize