She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you never un-have a 4some
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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