sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
