I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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