Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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