I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
