"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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