Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
