new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
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Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
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