Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
