Christians are straight up FREAKS
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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