So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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