I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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