Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
