I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
