can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
