need another drink. this is the easiest way
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
